Friends and Memories
by Misha
Summary: My series of stories about the friends of Lily Evans during her Hogwarts days. Out of cannon now, thanks to Order of the Phoenix, but oh well. The stories are listed in chronological order.
1. 1975: A Memory in the Making: Vinny

A Memory in the Making  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is a short piece about Peter and Vinny, a fictional sister of Arthur. This is set in the present tense, which I know is weird, but it worked best that way. It's just a short, quick relationship piece. That's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Peter/Vinny.

Rating- PG-13

Summery- They are sixteen and the possibilities seem endless, if only for this brief moment in time.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

They sit in a circle of people, the girl leaning against the boy's legs. He absently plays with her long red hair. Her eyes are fastened on another young man and the redheaded girl snuggled into his arms. She watches with sorrow in her blue eyes for a long moment. Finally she tears her eyes away and looks up at the young man she's with.

She smiles at him. "What are you thinking?" She asks lightly, desperate not to show her true feelings.

"Just how beautiful you are." He tells her truthfully, for he sees nothing but her, whereas her feelings are not as simple.

She looks into his face and earnest eyes. He is not an unattractive young man with light brown hair and big, soft brown eyes. An adorable teddy bear of a young man, not the sports hero that some of his friends were, but still attractive and kind. Very kind.

She wishes she could love him. She's very fond of him, she likes being with him, but her heart belongs to another. To someone who will never love her. She'll never let the secret out though.

"You're so sweet." She whispers now, her voice warm and affectionate.

He blushes and she laughs gently and reaches up to kiss him.

He really is a nice boy and she knows she's lucky to have him. She just wishes that he was the other boy, but she knows that not fair.

She knows most of her feelings aren't fair. She settled. She picked him, not because he was the one she wanted, but because he was the one left.

Four boys, four girls, it seemed natural they'd pair off. Well, ok, technically there were five girls, but Alice had paired off with Frank early, leaving no squabbles.

It seemed perfect.

Fire paired with fire. Lainey and Sirius were the hot-heads, the live wires of the group and together they crackled. Paired with any one else, they would have burnt their partner alive.

On the same token, calm shore to calm shore. Erin and Remus were calm and rational, the glue that held their groups together. They had a softness, a quiet that matched perfectly, they could be together in total silence and perfectly content.

Then... Well, shining star with shining star. James and Lily... They both stood above the crowd, both destined for greatness, unable to be anything by number one. Together, they were the perfect couple, destined for great things.

That left Peter for Vinny and they didn't match as well. She's bright and vivacious, the spoiled baby of her family, and he's quiet and unassuming, the perpetual tag along.

Everyone outside their circle always looked at them in disbelief, unable to believe that they match up. And yet... In a weird way, it works.

Neither of them will ever be the leader or the shining star. He will be forever out-shined by the brilliant James and the intense Sirius, forever following their lead and she will always be in the shadow of the incomparable Lily and the passionate Elaine, always overlooked next to them.

The difference is, he has accepted that lot in life and is happy to look to another for guidance, where as she is bothered by it, bothered by the fact that she will never truly shine. She wishes for more, but never lets him know it. He may not be the one she wants, but he's the one she has and she cares too much to ever hurt him.

Besides, she knows it's only temporary. Maybe some high school romances are meant to last forever, but not this one. She knows it'll end after graduation, that they'll go their separate ways and keep their fond memories and that is what keeps her from ever voicing her unhappiness. It may not last, but she wants him to have happy memories, it's the least she can do.

"What are you thinking?" It is his turn to ask.

She gives him a beaming smile, one that shows none of her inner turmoil. "Just about all the happy memories we'll make." She tells him truthfully.

He leans down and kisses her, unmindful of the others watching, and she kisses him back, knowing that one day he'll look back on this memory with fondness and that she will too, because if you can't have love, then affection is a good second.

* * *


	2. 1975: Brave and True: Erin

Brave and True: Erin  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is one of five very short pieces I'm doing describing the five girls. This one is about Erin, a fictional love interest for Remus in his youth and Mrs. Figg's daughter. I actually do use the post-OotP history for Mrs. Figg, even though this series and OotP exist in different universes, simply because it fit well. This just gives you a small look at her, which is the purpose of these pieces to introduce the girls. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Remus/Erin.

Rating- PG

Summery- She was brave and true, always willing to stand up for what she believed in.

Spoilers- None.

* * *

She was an only child. The daughter of a famed Auror and his wife. Her parents were very overprotective of her, as much as they doted on her.

Her name was Erin and she wasn't sure she'd call herself pretty, though several others did. She did know that she was good at being calm and rational when no one else was.

It was those qualities, combined with a big heart, that served her best at Hogwarts. Especially when it came to her best friends. She had four of them, all the other Gryffindor girls her age. From the first day, they were a tight set of five.

She loved them like the sisters she had never had, though sometimes they drove her crazy. Or rather three of them did, Alice never caused anyone any worry. But the other three always seemed to be up some sort of mischief.

But that was okay with Erin, even if it wasn't her style. She was more reserved, more cautious. She was never quite certain how she got sorted into Gryffindor, except for the fact that she was quite brave and never backed down from a challenge. That and her family was **always** in Gryffindor.

She did well in her studies, though not the best in her class, but always near the top. It didn't bother her that other students had better marks, Erin never let little things like that affect her.

She was who she was and she was happy with that. It never bothered her that she wasn't the prettiest girl in her class. She was pretty, in a quiet away with her long blonde hair (always tucked into a perfect braid) and her soft blue eyes. She was gentle and soft-spoken, yet she had a way of always being heard, no easy task, especially amongst her friends.

Besides, she didn't care if all the boys at Hogwarts noticed her, the one who mattered did. She loved Remus almost from the beginning and by fifth year they were a solid pair. He was one of the four Gryffindor boys in her years, as much of a tight set as the five girls. In time, they all paired up, with only Alice being left over and she chose another Gryffindor, one a year older than the rest. It worked out well.

Her love for Remus was easy. His secret never mattered to her. Nothing did, except that he loved her. Their love was easy, peaceful. Maybe because neither of them liked to stand out. They'd leave the dramatics to Lily and James or Sirius and Elaine.

Theirs was a love that was going to last, Erin was sure of it and had been sure of it since the first time he kissed her. All she wanted was to grow up and marry Remus Lupin.

She knew it'd be hard, that they'd prejudice and people who wouldn't understand, but she didn't care. Erin was never one to run away just because something wasn't easy, as long as it was right, then she'd stick to it. She had strong principles, it was one of the things that everyone noticed about her, that she might be quiet, but that she always stuck up for what she believed in.

Lily used to tease that she was a constant crusader and it fit. Erin wanted to end injustice. She credited to her mother being a Squib; having seen prejudice first hand, she hated it.

Erin might have been quiet and gentle, but she also never ran from a fight. She never sought them out, but she never backed away either. A sign of the character that everyone always noticed.

Sometimes Erin thought she should be a Hufflepuff, because she was loyal and true and honestly it wouldn't have bothered her to be in that house, because those were qualities that she admired.

Erin watched her more flamboyant friends stand out for their brains and their beauty and their sparkling personalities and realized that she was happy to be the calm, quiet one. She didn't need the spotlight, didn't need to be admired, just happy and she was.

She had a strength of character that would get her through any challenge and won her many admirers, though she'd be surprised to hear it. She was one in a million, as anyone who knew her would tell you.

Brave and true, never wavering, that was Erin.

* * *


	3. 1976: The Dangerous Route: Lily

The Dangerous Route  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is just a short Severus/Lily piece (big surprise). However, this is different than my other stuff. This is not an angsty, reflective piece that takes place after their brief affair has ended. This is a short moment in time set during the height of their romance. It deals with the hold he has on her, their feelings for one another and her relationship with James. It's the turbulence of youth and the hold of love and passion. You don't see many Sev/Lily pieces that take place in the moment, so I couldn't resist writing one. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!

Pairing- Severus/Lily, mild James/Lily

Summery- He overwhelmed her, but she couldn't resist him.

Rating- PG-13.

Spoilers- None, really.

Severus' mouth was warm and demanding against her. The thought came suddenly that James never demanded anything her. She quickly banished it, though. She wouldn't think of James.

Couldn't.

Instead, she leaned in to Severus, pressing her body tight against his as he continued to plunder her mouth with his tongue. She submitted to his touch completely, just like always. As she did so, she slid her hands through his hair and wondered, not for the first time, what in the world he put in it to make it so greasy.

Then, Severus released her mouth and began to trail kisses down her throat, his hands slipping into her robes and all coherent thoughts were banished. She moaned slightly as he traced her nipples with his fingers, gently squeezing. Her hands were more timid, resting on the back of his neck, not daring to go any lower.

Severus saw her shyness and smiled. She knew that he appreciated her innocence, found it endearing.He removed his hands and pulled her to him in a warm embrace, gentle and tender. She stayed there for a long moment, just resting against him.

She looked up into his eyes and felt warmed by what she saw there. Severus never declared his love for her like James did so often, he just wasn't comfortable with the words. But he felt it all the same and she knew it. He showed her in so many ways.

Which was why she was there, with him and not where she should be, with James. It was how she was able to justify her betrayal in her mind. She loved Severus and he loved her and that was why she kept coming back. It was just lust, she might have been able to stop herself. Might have been able to resist temptation, but it wasn't and she couldn't.

"You should go." Severus said suddenly, releasing his hold on her.

She looked up at him with big green eyes. "Severus?"

"We've both been gone a long time. People will notice and come looking for us." He said quietly. "And we can't let them find us together. We both know that that would be a disaster."

She nodded. She hadn't thought of that. She knew he was right. Being caught would be very bad for them both.

So, she began to gather her belongings. She turned to leave, when Severus suddenly grabbed her arm. He pulled her towards her, so that her body was pressed against his and she was looking up into his face.

"I don't know when we will be able to meet again." He whispered, claiming her lips once more. "It's risky. But until we can, think of me."

"Always." She promised with a slight tremble. "You're all I think about, Severus."

He kissed her again and then let her go.

"I know." He whispered in a soft, deadly voice. "And you, you are the center of my every thought and feeling. I feel like I exist for you and that when I'm apart, I'm not truly alive. Without you, I would not want to live."

She was shaken by his words, by the depth of his emotion. She had known that he loved her, but she had never dared imagine that his feelings were so serious. And to be honest, his confession scared her. She wasn't sure that she wanted the responsibility that went with them.

She and Severus just looked at one another for a long moment. Finally, she pulled herself together and away from the moment.

"I love you." She whispered, knowing that he needed to hear the words.

She leaned up and kissed him gently, then before he could react, she hurried away.

A few minutes later, she entered the Gryffindor common room and found James waiting for.

"Hey, I was looking for you." He said softly, wrapping his arms around her. "Where have you been?"

"Here and there." She said with a slight smile.

She sunk into his embrace and thought about how safe it was. But then everything about James was safe. He made no demands on her, he did not challenge her or overwhelm her.

He just loved her.

She leaned up and gently kissed him, wanting to feel his familiar warmth and comfort. So different than the soul-shaking passion she felt with Severus.

But even as their lips met, she knew that it wasn't enough. That as much as she adored James, he wasn't enough for her. He was the safe road, no surprises, and for her that wasn't enough. She was one of those people who just couldn't resist the dangerous route and the excitement it offered.

That was why she would go back to Severus, why she would continue to meet him in secret.

And, perhaps, it was even the reason why she would continue to love him.


	4. 1976: Essence of Life: Lily

Essence of Life  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This just came to me after reading the books and realizing how little Lily is mentioned. I decided to give her some personality. This is just a perspective of who she was and how people ended up seeing her. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Minor Snape/Lily.

Rating- PG-13

Summery- By trying to put her on a pedestal, they robbed her of the essence of who she was.

Spoilers- Minor ones for all four books.

Her laughter rings through out the great hall. Her finger tips dance gently on the smooth skin of her lover's cheek. Her red hair gleams like fire in the sunlight.

She is Lily and she is alive and lives larger than life.

Lily has no clue that her presence is destined to fade. That the most wonderful things about her will be lost.

To the world she will become a martyr, a saint. A mother who gave her life for the life of her much more famous child.Lily will become the image of motherhood and perfection. No other parts of her life and person will matter.

Even for those who do not see Lily as nothing more than an icon of selflessness will simplify her image in their mind. It will be easy to paint a picture of her outlining some of her characteristics and forgetting everything else.

Much will be lost.

In the minds of her friends, Lily will be remembered only for her better characteristics. In time, they will forget that she, like everyone, possessed qualities that were not so nice. They will forget her impulsiveness, her hot temper, her stubbornness. Later, to even them, it will be as if Lily was always sweet and kind, always thinking of others. And that was not true. Lily could be selfish and completely unpredictable. She was a good person, but like everyone she had flaws.

Her sister will remember the flaws and nothing else. In the mind of the resentful sister Lily leaves behind, she will be vilified. All mocking laugh and superior attitude. Petunia will forget the closeness the sisters once shared and how hard Lily tried to reach her even after the distance between them grew too large to bridge.

Lily's lover is another who will remember only the good. In his mind, Severus Snape will idealize his memories of her. e will make her more than she was. More beautiful, more tender, more loving. Lily will become a goddess to him, put on a pedestal and worshipped above all others.

But even as he worships her, Severus will do her great disservice. For he will wipe out the memories of the fights and the tempestuous nature of their relationship.In his mind, the great passion that they felt will dim. Because to make Lily the perfect lover, his goddess, he has to tone down the passion. He has to forget about the glory of her anger and the fun in making up after a terrible row.

It will be unfair to her. What they all do is unfair to her. Unfair to the way she lives and loves.

Lily is a picture of life, she has flaws as well as her good points, she is alive. By taking away the flaws, they take away part of who she is. Lily will be remembered forever, but a vital part will be lost.

But for the moment, that is the distant future. In this moment Lily is very much a presence.

She argues, laughs, and cries.

She is alive.


	5. 1976: One Brief Moment In Time: Elaine

Brief Moment In Time   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is a short piece about Sirius and Elaine, my version of Seamus' mother. This is set in the present tense, which I know is weird, but it worked best that way. It's just a short, quick relationship piece. That's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Sirius/Elaine

Rating- PG-13

Summery- They are sixteen and the possibilites seem endless, if only for this breif moment in time.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

She moves freely. Her speech is animated as she talks about her newest passion. Her hands are moving wildly, as she tells her story. Her companion watches with amusement, his attention more on her than on what she's saying. 

"Are you listening?" She demands, looking at him with narrowed grey eyes.

In answer, he grabs hold of her long sandy-coloured hair and pulls her to him for a kiss. It is a long, lazy kiss.

"Sirius Black!" She exclaims once the kiss is finished. "Did you listen to one word I've said?"

"No." He admits unrepentantly.

She hits hits him playfully. "Why do I put up with you?" She asks, shaking her head.

He just laughs and kisses her again. They are young and if they are not in love, it certainly feels like it. They are sixteen and this is the closest thing to love either of them has ever felt.

It will not last. Somewhere deep inside, they both know that. They have no idea the pain the future will bring, at this moment they are oblivious to the darkness of the years ahead.

Right now, they still have their innocence. Or as much innocence as they ever had, for even at sixteen they both have a tendency for getting into trouble. It's one of things that draws them together.

He's a bit of a young devil and she's adventurous, up for anything. But what serves them well in school, may not serve them as well in the real world.

In the world they will enter after Hogwarts, it will not always be a good idea to stand out above the rest. But that lesson is still far away, right now their future is nothing but bright.

For they are sixteen and their futures stress ahead of them filled with endless possibilities. The world is becoming a darker place, but they aren't yet really aware, still protected by the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.

She breaks the kiss.

"Someone is going to come looking for us." She points out with a small smile. "Besides, Lily and I were going to do our Charm work."

"I'm sure she won't notice if you're late." He comments. "Actually, earlier when I set out to meet you, James had no idea where she had gone. She had just seemed to disappear. She seems to be doing that a lot lately."

His voice is light, but there is a mild undercurrent that makes her uncomfortable.

"You know, Lily, always on the move." She says, keeping her voice as light as his.

He nods, though he doesn't quite believe her. But it's not his to believe or disbelieve, not really, besides neither of them is sure it's a lie.

He only suspects that things aren't right, with no inkling of what the truth really is. Whereas, she has suspicions that she doesn't want confirmed or denied.

Besides, it really has nothing to do with either of them, it's someone else's business, but when those someone else's are his best friend and hers, it's hard to stay out of it, something they've learnt time and time again. But this time, they seem willing to try at least.

He kisses her again and then releases her. "Go find Lily, I'll catch up with you later." He tells her.

She nods and leans in to kiss him one last time. She then turns and walks away, leaving him staring after her for a long moment before he pulls himself out of it and walks away himself.

The moment is over for now, but another will come, because they are young and the future is still very far away.


	6. 1976: Always Smiling: Vinny

Always Smiling: Virginia   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is one of five very short pieces I'm doing describing the five girls. This one foucses on Virginia "Vinny" Weasley, who was first introduced in "Memories of the Heart", which isn't actually a part of the series. It's just sort of a look into her personality and expands on things explained in "My Secret Love", my only other Vinny-centric piece to date. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Unrequited James/Vinny, Minor James/Lily, Peter/Vinny.

Rating- PG

Summery- She always smiled, even when she felt like crying.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

She was the baby of the family. Her elder siblings had always doted on her and that had shaped her character. 

Her name was Virginia, but no one called her that. It didn't suit her. No, she was Vinny.

She was fun-loving, reckless, and irresistible. She had no problem making friends. Her first days at Hogwarts (which she had dreamed about for as long as she could remember) she made instant friendships with the other girls in her year. Friendships that would never be broken.

As she grew older, she got a reputation as a flirt. Not that people could blame her. After all, she was a beauty with red-hair and stormy gray eyes Not the prettiest girl in her year. Not by long shot. Not with the silver-haired Narcissa or the black eyed Olivia around. She wasn't even the prettiest girl in Gryffindor, that honor went to another redhead one with darker locks and unforgettable green eyes.

But that was okay with Vinny. She didn't need to be the knockout. She was happy as she was.

That was the special thing about Vinny. She was always happy. Whenever you pictured her in your mind, you saw her with a smile on her face because there was no other way to think of Vinny. She was always smiling.

Of course, no one could know that sometimes she forced herself to smile. That even in moments of deep pain, she always pretended to be happy, because it was what everyone expected.She smiled brightly even as the boy she liked asked one of her best friends out instead. She just accepted it and kept smiling.

She didn't see the point in tears. It wasn't going to make James like her. All it would be was make Lily feel guilty and she didn't want that So, she hid her feelings and smiled as bright as she could. Besides, there was Peter and he was a nice guy, even if he wasn't James.

She smiled when the Prefect badge she wanted so desperately went to Lily instead of her.

She always smiled, even when she didn't feel like it. It was one of the things that made her Vinny. It was one of the only secrets she kept from her friends. That and her feelings for James. That was a secret she would take to her grave. She felt bad lying to her best friends, but not too bad because they all had secrets.

They all told a few lies. They all knew it, but none of them ever spoke of it. It was easier that way.There were a few things that were never spoken of. Like the fact that she sometimes felt like the odd one out in their tight group of five because sometimes it felt like two pairs of two and her.

Lanie and Lily had a wavelength all their own, while Alice and Erin seemed to communicate without words. She didn't mind, usually, because she did feel close to the other four.

But sometimes she realized the problems of being five instead of four. There was often one left out. Like there was only marauders, so Alice ended up with Frank Longbottom. Or in class there was often an odd one out when they had to pair up.

Sometimes it was Vinny and she took it well. She never let anyone know it bothered her. Because she was Vinny and that was what she did. She was all sweetness and light and that was what worked for her. She was laughter and joy and vitality. And when you thought of her you had to smile.

Because that was Vinny.


	7. 1976: Darkness and Light: Lily

Darkness and Light: Lily   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is one of five very short pieces I'm doing describing the five girls. This one is yet another Lily piece. I love Lily, I'm the first to admit that. This is similar to some of my others, but not too much I don't think. I just wanted Lily to seem a little less perfect, so... Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairings- James/Lily, Snape/Lily

Rating- PG-13

Summery- She was a mix of things, a constant contrast.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

At the beginning they were always two. 

Petunia and Lily. Petunia came first, but Lily was right behind here a mere thrirteen months later.

There were no two sisters closer than they for those first eleven years. Then the letter came and their destinies split. It was then that Lily began to realize her fate.

The younger sister, the smarter, more ambitious sister was thrust into a world where her older, more cautious, more reserved sister could not follow.

Lily went to Hogwarts and found the world she had always dreamed of. She fit in from the beginning.

Brilliant, vicarious, spirited Lily. On her first day she made friends with the other girls in her house and year. The five of them would be a set that only death could break apart. They became like sisters to her, in time more than Petunia.

Lily stood apart from that first day. Despite the lack of a bloodline, something that forced her to endure much mocking, she excelled. She topped her year in all but two courses, for no one could beat Severus at Potions or James at Transfiguration.

She was quickly one of the most popular girls in her House, with her quick wit and outgoing personality. She was a Prefect and then Head Girl.

She also won the heart of James Potter, making them the Gryffindor golden couple. Everything she desire she achieved. Or at least on the surface.

Lily worked so hard because she was always afraid that she wouldn't fit in. She was always aware of her bloodline and the fact that it meant she had to work twice as hard to be accepted.

Especially in the times she lived in. She wanted to stand out. To be something special. But sometimes, her heart longed for things other than what was most accepted.

Like Severus. She loved him briefly. As a foolish child she fell in love with the one she could never have. She played with fire and she got burnt.It fell apart and left wounds on her heart. But it lasted for one glorious, terrible moment. She felt guilty for betraying James, who deserved better, but she couldn't resist Severus' dark spell.

Nor could she bring herself to end it with James, since she knew he was the _right_ man, if not the one she longed for. Besides, she really did love him, just not in the way she loved Severus. Severus was a drug she couldn't resist, James was home.

After it ended with Severus, she vowed never to betray James again. He was a good man and he loved her. He would be good to her. He would give her everything she had ever dreamed of. Almost. But it was not James' fault that she longed for things she was better off without. It was here own fault.

It was her one fatal flaw. She wanted it all. Especially the things that she could never have.

She hid the desire well.

Everyone thought she was all sweetness and light, the perfect girl. In a lot of ways she was, but there was this darker side that only few ever saw. The one who wanted power and passion and all the things that she would never find with James.

Thus, her slip with Severus, who could give her those things, but who was to dark and dangerous even for her. So she learnt her lesson, some things were out of reach. Still she wanted them, because she believed they'd help her be the best and that was all she really wanted.

She was ambitious, shrewd, analytical. She was those things as much as she was kind, outgoing, and hardworking.

It was that combination that made her special, that made her Lily.

* * *


	8. 1976: No Guts, No Glory: Elaine

No Guts, No Glory: Elaine   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is one of five very short pieces I'm doing describing the five girls. This one is about Elaine, my favorite of the four characters I envisioned. I didn't actually create her, since she's my version of Seamus' mother (one of the reasons this series is now AU). Elaine's the one that I identify with the most, so I write the most about her, other than Lily, of course. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Sirius/Elaine

Rating- PG-13

Summery- She was headstrong and reckless and full of life.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

She was an only child, born into a well-known pureblood family. Her parents pushed her for success.

Her name was Elaine, her mother called her Ellie and she despised it. When she got older, her friends called her Lanie and she treasured it, though there came a day when she couldn't bear to hear the nickname.

She went to Hogwarts determined to do her parents proud.

She was sorted into Gryffindor, just like she had known she would be. On that first day she made friends with the other four girls in her house and year. They became her best friends, the sisters she never had.

One would be more treasured than the others. Her best friend in the entire world, who's place no one else would ever be able to take. They were quite a pair, just like the five of them were quite a set.

Lanie stood out amongst her peers for her sharp wit and even sharper tongue. It was one of the reasons that not a lot of guys went after her, not that she wasn't pretty. She was quite attractive with her sandy hair and snapping gray eyes, she was just too much of a handful for most.

There was also the fact that by the time fifth year came around, most knew she was off limits. She was Sirius Black's girl after all. He was one of the four Gryffindor boys in her year, they were as much of a set as the five girls. In time they all matched up, except Alice who paired up with a boy a year ahead of them.

Sirius was cocky and self-assured, always pulling up some prank, or goofy off, where as Elaine was always so absorbed in her studies and in playing by the rules.

It was an odd match at times, especially since they both had quite the temper. Their fights were legendary, but they were also quite a pair. When they teamed up, everyone else better watch out.

Elaine was never sure it was love, but she knew it was something. Though, sometimes she thought of Sirius as more of a playmate than a lover. Still, they were young and it was right for the moment.

Elaine was full of passion and purpose. He dreamed about what life after Hogwarts would hold. She had great ambition. She knew that the world was getting darker, but in her youthful naivety she didn't think it would affect her. She was as cocky as Sirius in her own way. She had always done well, always stood out and she couldn't imagine life after Hogwarts would be any different.

Lanie was fearless. It was the trait people most often accredited to her. She jumped into everything head first, never worrying about the outcome. She was one of those people who admire for always going for what they want, regardless of the risks.

Fearless, gutsy, bold as brass.

That was Lanie.


	9. 1976: Precious: Erin

Precious   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is a short piece focusing on Remus and Erin (one of the character's I created). This is set in the present tense, which I know is weird, but it worked best that way. It's just a short, quick relationship piece. That's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Remus/Erin

Rating- PG-13

Summery- He makes her feel safe.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

Her voice is soft and calm. She talks in quiet tones as she explains her newest source of interest. Her companion listens in rapt interest, talking back in the same tones. 

They sit side-by-side, yet intertwined. Her legs are slung over his, his arm is around her back. They don't even seem aware of the fact that they are touching, it as natural to them as breath.

They are in their special spot, which only they know about, away from all other eyes.

She leans forward, her blonde hair falling around her face like a curtain. He smiles and pushes it back out of her face, his hand staying on her cheek.

He then kisses her briefly, a gentle kiss. The kiss ends and she snuggles against him.

"I love you." She whispers.

"I'm not sure why." He murmurs, pulling away slightly.

She frowns, as she always does when this topic of conversation is broached. "Remus, I love you because you complete me. It doesn't matter to me if you're a werewolf, it only matters to me that you're you and that you love me."

She never thinks of him as werewolf, only as the man she loves. He is the only thing she truly trusts in the world anymore, what she puts all her faith in. She knows he will keep her safe. Some would wonder at the irony of having a werewolf as their safe haven, but that never crosses her mind. To her, he's not a werewolf, he's simply Remus.

"Always." He promises her. "There will never be a day in my life when I don't love you, Erin."

It's a promise he's destined to keep, though there be will times when he wishes it wasn't so.

"Until I draw my last breath and then beyond." She whispers quietly, her fingers resting on his cheek.

The mood is solemn. Graduation is approaching and they both know that the future is uncertain. The outside world is a dark place right now, so much hatred and fear. Neither of them knows what they will do when they are no longer in the protection of the school.

"Remus, I'm worried about Lily." Erin says now, her voice soft.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why?"

She pauses and looks him in the eye. "She's been so unhappy lately. She's not eating, she doesn't sleep well. Something's bothering her and she won't tell me what it was."

"Lily has a lot of secrets, Erin." Remus comments, his voice deceptively bland.

"Yes." She agrees, closing her eyes. Deep down, she knows what's wrong with her friend, but she just didn't want to admit it.

"We can't help her, can we?" She asked softly.

"No." Remus tells her. "Lily chose her own path."

Erin nods, knowing it's true. She wishes she could help her friend, but she knows that she can't.

Remus leans over and kisses her briefly. "We can be there for her, if she comes to us." He assures her.

She nods again and leans closer to him, taking comfort in the feel of him. He is her rock, he is what makes her feel safe and in a world as uncertain as there's, that is truly precious.

* * *


	10. 1976: Torn: Lily

Torn  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is a short piece about Lily and James, since I'm doing one of each of my couples. This is set in the present tense, which I know is weird, but it worked best that way. It's just a short, quick relationship piece. That's all, enjoy!

Pairings- James/Lily, Severus/Lily.  
Rating- PG-13

Summery- She loves him, but no longer with her whole heart...

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

She cocks her head to the side, appearing to listen intently to her partner. He talks excitedly about some plan, some plot and she seems to listen. In reality, her mind is elsewhere. 

Like it often is these days.

She runs her fingers through her boyfriends messy black locks and wonders for the millionth time what she's going to do.

She sits on his lap, her red head against his shoulder and knows she doesn't deserve him. He's a good guy and she knows he'd never betray her.

Yet, she betrayed him and not just once. Every day, every time she sneaks off to see her secret lover, she betrays him again. The guilt eats her so much that she can barely sleep, btu it's not enough to make her give up Severus. She's not sure anything could make her do that.

"So what do you think, Lily?" Her companion asks.

"I think one of these days you and Sirius are going to get expelled." Lily replies lightly.

He just laughs. "Come on, Lil, you know we never get caught."

She frowns, wondering if that is true. The way they are going, one of these days they are going to get caught. After all, they're stunts keep getting wilder and more out of control. "James, be careful." She warns him quietly. 

He just rolls his eyes, not paying any attention at all to her.

But, then, that was her James, cocky to a fault. Severus called it arrogance and listed it as one of many reasons for his hatred, though, really he wasn't one too talk.

Lily wondered what it said about her that she was attracted to, in fact that she was in love with, two such arrogant boys. Yet, despite that shared flaw, they were so different.

There was her mischievous, never-will-care James and her dark, brooding Severus. The one she was supposed to love and the one... The one who she should never have gotten involved with and yet couldn't bring herself to give up.

"There you go again." James chides. "Where do you go, Lily-mine? Half the time it seems even when you're with me, you're someone else."

It's said in jest, but she hears the underlying tone of concern and knows that James is starting to wonder, starting to suspect things. "

It's just... Life." Lily tells him softly, not untruthfully. "The older we get, the more complicated it gets..."

"You're thinking about your sister." James guesses, wrapping his arms around her to hold her tightly.

Lilly grabs onto the excuse. "Pet and I used to be so close..." She whispers, her face clouding as she thinks of the sister who had become a bitter, angry stranger.

"My poor Lily." James whispers, placing a kiss on the top of her head. "My sweet Lily who would never hurt anyone and yet... I wish there was something to do."

Lily doesn't answer, she just clings to him, guilt washing over her. Because she isn't the sweet, innocent young woman he seems to think, she's guilty and she's tainted and she doesn't how to change. Worst of all, she's not sure she wants to.

"I love you." She whispers instead and she means it, whatever part of her is still good and sweet and innocent loves James completely.

The only problem is, Lily's not so sure how big that part is anymore and the rest... The dark, complicated person who was starting to exist, well, that part belonged purely to Severus and Lily no longer knew which part was stronger.

All she knew was that it was tearing her apart.

- The End


	11. 1977: My Secret Love: Vinny

My Secret Love   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- Okay, this story revolves around an original character, that you might recognize from my MWPP-era stories: Vinny Weasley. She shows up mainly in "Memories of the Heart", though she has been mentioned in others. For those of you that haven't read any of my other works, Vinny was Arthur's baby sister and Ginny's namesake. This is one of several focusing on the inter-group relationships in those days and includes some unrequited James/Vinny. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!

Pairing- James/Vinny, James/Lily, minor Peter/Vinny, Snape/Lily.

Rating- PG

Summery- I love him, but he can never know.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

I'm in love. Truly, madly, deeply in love. But no one can ever know about it, not even him. 

You see the man I love doesn't love me. No, he's in love with my best friend and she loves him. In fact, he's proposing to her at graduation. I know she'll say yes, what else would she say?

I know it's what _I_ would say.

I've loved James since I was eleven years old, but he never looked at me as more than a friend. I thought about telling him how I felt, but then he began to date Lily and I knew that I couldn't say anything because I wouldn't hurt her for anything in the world.

There was a moment when I was tempted. A moment when I saw her being torn by her desire for another man. But in the end, she let the other door close and focused all her attention on James and I vowed to bury my feelings.

So far it hasn't worked.

But at least I've managed to shield them, no one knows how I feel. I make sure of that.

I feel bad for using Peter, but... By dating him, I can hide how I feel. I really do care about Peter, he's a sweet guy, if a little clueless, he's just not James...

No one is.

I've always know that. And that knowledge is painful, since I realize that I'll probably have to settle for second best. I just want to move on, to get over James. But it's impossible. James Potter is not an easy man to get over. He's just too perfect. He's handsome, charming, smart, kind, and fun. He's everything a girl could dream of. I know he's everything I dream of.

But he doesn't belong to me. He belongs to Lily and she's perfect for him. She's smart, beautiful, kind, full of life and capable of keeping in line. They're a perfect match, everyone always says so.

If I was someone else, I could use the fact that she's muggle-born as an excuse as to why they shouldn't be together, but I'm not someone else. I don't care about the purity of blood, I never have.Besides, even if she is muggle-born, Lily's the most talented witch I've ever seen. She was top of all our classes all through school, well except Transfiguration where James beat her hands down and Potions--no one is better than Snape.

But she was second in both of those classes, the only Gryffindor to have a decent mark in Potions. Which is a miracle in itself, because Arrison is unduly prejudice against us all, yet he almost seems fond of Lily.

There's something about her that no one can resist.

Hell, even Snape loved her. Or at least, I think he did. I've never been sure, but I suspected that there was something between them. I saw the way they looked at one another when they thought no one was looking and there were lots of little things about her character that were off.

I'm not the only one that saw it, I think everyone did. Well, except Sirius and James. But James wouldn't want to see it and Sirius is so damned stubborn, especially when it comes to the Slytherins.But the rest of us had no such blinders, but none of us said anything, because it wasn't our place.

At least that's why _I_ bit my tongue. Because no matter how much I loved James, my loyalty was to Lily and she had to solve this problem on her own with no interference. And in the end, she did. Whatever might have been is clearly over now. I think she learnt from her mistake--she's certainly even more devoted to James than she used to be. It's as if she finally realized just how lucky she was to have him.

To me, it always seemed obvious. I mean, who would choose Severus Snape over James Potter? It just seems like a no-brainer. But maybe I'm missing something. Maybe Lily saw something in Snape that no one else did. I don't know, I doubt I ever will.

But it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything. James is still in love with her and he's going to marry her. I don't come into the equation, I never did. I understand that.

I understand that all I can do is sit back and watch as James and Lily live their happy ending. I can't ever let anyone see my heartbreak. No, Lily is too important to me for that, I wouldn't want to lose her friendship for anything.

Besides, what does it matter how I feel? James doesn't love me, he never has. What could would it do for me to confess my feelings now? All that would accomplish would be to cause dissension in our group and add an unfair burden on Lily's shoulders.

I can't do that. There's nothing I can do but try and move on. I have to let go of my love for this man and accept that he will never love me.

No, this is my secret and I will carry it with me to the grave.


	12. 1977: Goodbye to Yesterday: Lily

Goodbye to Yesterday   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is another Lily piece, set on the ever of her graduation from Hogwarts. Once again, it focuses on her relationship with Snape (or how I perceived it for this series). Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairings- James/Lily, Snape/Lily

Rating- PG-13

Summery- She came to say goodbye to him, to what they had shared.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

Lily snuck out of her dorm carefully, not that she needed to. 

She had James' invisibility cloak tucked around her. He had let her borrow it when she explained that she just wanted to wander around, examine Hogwarts when no one was around. She'd told him that she wanted to remember everything that had happened, to examine the memories on this last night. He had rolled his eyes at her sentimentality, but given her the cloak.

Lily couldn't help feeling sentimental, this was her last night at Hogwarts. Tomorrow was graduation. Tomorrow she would leave Hogwarts and go out into the real world. As Head Girl she had a speech to give. She had it all planned out though, unlike James who planned to wing it. Lily laughed at the thought of what James was going to say. Probably a few well aimed insults towards the Slytherin members of their class.

That reminded her of her purpose, she headed towards the Room of Requirement and entered. It had transformed itself into a comfortable sitting room-ish place, a cozy hideaway for secret trysts.

Lily sat down on the sofa and looked around, a wistful smile on her face After all, that was what she had always used it for. During those few wild and crazy months.

Lily shrugged off the cloak and set it down beside her. She ran her fingers through her long red hair and wondered why she was there. Wondered why she had lied to James and broken the rules once more after everything that had happened. But then, she hadn't really lied James, not completely.

It was memories that brought her here, the need to examine the past and let it go.

"I wasn't sure you'd come." A voice said from the doorway, letting Lily know she wasn't alone.

She looked up and saw the tall, dark figure standing there.

She shrugged. "What can I say. Your note intrigued me."

She tried not to let the pain of the last few years into her voice. This man had broken her heart. He had betrayed her and everything she stood for, she knew what he was, yet she was still drawn ot him. He still held a piece of her heart that she could never get back.

"What do you want with me, Severus?" She asked softly.

"I just wanted to see you, to say goodbye." He said. "After tomorrow, our paths won't cross much."

"Except maybe in the dark with our wands pointed." Lily said sarcastically.

Severus didn't say anything just looked at her. "For a moment you were mine." He reminded her, his voice quiet.

"Until you betrayed me." She reminded him, her eyes straying to his arm, covered in his robe.

"I did what I had to do." Severus told her, shrugging slightly. "But I never meant to hurt you, Lillith, please believe me."

"Don't call me that!" Lily said sharply, hating the memories that the one word unleashed.

Memory of heated embraces and forbidden trysts. Memories of his voice whispering her name, her full name, in passion. Memories of what it had been like to be in his arms.

"You used to like it when I called you that." He reminded her, his voice soft.

"Well, I was stupid." She said bitterly.

"No, not stupid." Severus corrected. "Perhaps naive, but in an admirable way. You tried to save me from myself."

"And failed." She replied with a touch of bitterness. "I should have known that some people just can't be saved."

"No." He agreed. "Not that I think I need to be saved."

"Of course not." She said softly.

The two of them were silent for a long moment.

Finally Severus stepped towards her. "You always were beautiful." He whispered. "A goddess from above. Too good for me, or for Potter."

"I'm sure James would be thrilled to hear you say so." Lily commented dryly.

"Deep down, I think he'd agree with me." Severus told her. "Potter be an idiot, but he knows how special you are."

He reached out and touched her long red hair. "I remember the first time I saw you." He said quietly. "It was at Sorting and you were so eager and curious. A pretty little thing with red braids. You fascinated me from the first, I was so disappointed when I learnt that you were muggleborn and when you went into Gryffindor."

Lily was quiet, having never heard that before.

"I knew even then, that you would always haunt me." Severus continued. "I think I understood even then, that you were my heart's desire."

"Yet, you threw it away." Lily told him quietly.

"You were my heart's one desire, but you were never my destiny." Severus said softly, his voice full of longing. "I think I always knew that it was not fated. My path was set long ago, there's no escape from the darkness."

"I wanted to save you." She whispered angrily.

"I know." Severus told her. "But some people can't be saved, not even by someone as good as you."

He was quiet for a moment, just looking into her eyes.

"You'll haunt me forever." He promised her, not knowing how true that statement would turn out to be.

"Why are you doing this?" She begged him. "Why are you raking over the coals of something you ruined?"

Severus just shrugged. Then, he reached out and cupped her face. She let him. "Because you haunt me, you'll always haunt me and I'm selfish enough to want this last moment."

She didn't say anything, just stood there, Severus' hand burning into her skin. His touch could still enflame her.

"I loved you." Severus told her, his voice full of longing and regret. "I still love you, but that wasn't enough. It never could be."

He leaned in and kissed her then. Almost against her will, she responded. After a long moment the kiss was over, but they stayed wrapped in each other's arms. For a moment the present melted away and they were the Lily and Severus of a year ago, the truths that had torn them apart didn't exist for that moment. But finally, the moment ended and Lily pulled away.

She placed her hand on Severus' cheek. "I didn't know why I came, but now I do." She told him softly. "I needed to say goodbye to the Severus I know. The past is gone and when we meet from this point on it'll be as strangers. As enemies."

"We were always meant to enemies." Severus said his voice quiet. He wondered for the millionth time why it had been this girl, a muggleborn, who had stolen his heart. Fate had a cruel sense of humor. "We only deluded ourselves otherwise."

"You might be right." Lily agreed and dropped her hand. There were tears in her bright green eyes, as she leaned forward and kissed Severus quickly and then pulled away. "Goodbye Severus."

"Goodbye Lillith." He told her, his face and voice expressionless.

She wiped back tears and then pulled James' cloak over her and exited the Room of Requirement shrouded in invisibility. She left Severus staring at the spot where she had disapeared and made her way back to the Gryffindor Tower.

She was glad she had gone to meet him, because she had needed to say goodbye. Goodbye to the dreams and ideals, to the boy whom she had loved in that reckless, forbidden way. She'd needed to put the past behind her and perhaps she finally had. She'd never forget him, but the past was over and the Severus she had loved was gone, so was the girl who had loved him.

Life had changed them both and it was time to accept that and let go of the past.

Even, if a part of her wished that she could cling to it forever.

* * *


	13. 1970 to 1978: Emotional Journey: Lily

Emotional Journey   
By MIsha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is just another short Lily-fic. It's basically her emotions through the years. It's basically fluff. And, surprisingly, more James/Lily, than Snape/Lily. Though, there is definitely some S/L, since they are my favorite pairing. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Spoilers- None, really.

Pairing- Lily/James, Lily/Snape.

Summery- The emotions of Lily Evans as she falls in love and makes difficult choices.

Rating- PG

* * *

_Friendship._

"My name is James." The boy offered his hand with a sheepish grin.

"Lily." She took it with a shy smile.

_Warning._

She caught sight of a tall, skinny boy with long, greasy hair. She met his glance and felt something tingle.

Sirius claimed attention, breaking her gaze with the boy.

"That's Snape. He's a Slytherin to the bone and the Slytherins are all a bad lot." Sirius informed her. "You'll do best to stay away from them all."

She glanced at the boy one last time, saw the mockery on his face, and then turned away and nodded.

"I'll do that."

_Rivalry_.

"Ahh, it's Potter's mudblood." The familiar sneer lit up Snape's face as he looked at her.

She narrowed green eyes at him.

"Shut up Snape, you slimy git." Remus snapped, before she could speak as he and the others rushed to her defense.

_First love._

"Lily, will you go out with me?"

A gentle smile lit up her features as she looked up at James. "Of course I will."

Their lips met in a sweet kiss.

_Fascination._

She looked at Severus and for the first time saw him through different eyes. She saw more than the sulky, slimy Slytherin who had pestered her for years.

She looked into his eyes and caught a glimpse of a troubled soul.

_Temptation._

She knew it was a wrong, but she was caught up in the spell and couldn't resist. Their lips met and she felt herself falling deep into a hole from which she might never be able to escape.

_Guilt._

She looked at James, touched him and thought of Severus. She thought of other touches, other looks and hated herself for it.

_Passion._

Severus held her close to him and she breathed in the very scent of him. She craved his touch, but feared it all the same. Because being with him was a kind of madness.

It was so wrong, but it felt so right.

_Heartbreak._

She cried into her pillow, the tears she hid during the day fighting their way out.

She couldn't tell anyone how much she hurt, because, deep down, she believed that this was the price she had to pay for what she had done.

She had betrayed a good man and now she had been betrayed. Her lover had turned on her.

Love had become hate.

_Realization._

She snuggled up to James and was amazed by how safe she felt. He was so good and sweet. He would never hurt her.

She had once craved more than he could give, but now she knew how lucky she was to have him in the first place.

_True love._

Lily smiled up at James as they were pronounced man and wife.

Their lips met in a perfect kiss.

Everything was perfect.

This man was her destiny. He was home to her, she belonged in his arms and there was no place she'd rather be.

She had strayed in the past and left a little bit of her heart behind, but in the end she had come to her senses and ended up right where she was supposed to be.

_Happily ever after._


	14. 1980: Nothing Remains the Same: Lily

Nothing Remains the Same   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is a short, angsty Snape/Lily piece set a few weeks before Harry's birth. It came to me suddenly and I couldn't resist the idea. I go with my familiar plot line of Lily and Severus being involved when they were younger, but the romance ended when he became a Death Eater. There's a lot of history between them and I hope that I portray that. Most of my Lily/Severus fics are reflective pieces, so this was a change. One I enjoyed, so expect stories along this vein. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Snape/Lily, minor James/Lily

Rating- PG

Summery- Severus and Lily run into each other in Hogsmede in the summer of 1980 and share a moment of remembrance.

Spoilers- Nothing, really.

* * *

"It's true, isn't it?" 

Lily turned around at the soft words spoken by a familiar voice. She was unsurprised to see Severus standing there.

"You're pregnant." He stated softly.

Lily nodded.

"Yeah." She said, placing one hand protectively over her bulging stomach.

"Is Potter happy?" Severus asked bitterly.

"James is thrilled." Lily said softly. She looked around Hogsmede for a familiar face, anything to get her out of this conversation.

"Are you happy?" Severus asked.

"Very." Lily told him.

"I'm glad." Severus told her.

Lily didn't know whether to believe him, her eyes strayed to his cloaked arm.

Severus followed her gaze. "We all make mistakes." He said in a low voice.

"Some more deadly than others." Lily agreed in a tight voice. She shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore." She told him. "You made your choice and I got on with my life."

"With Potter." Snape said bitterly.

"James has never let me down." Lily told him softly, pointedly. "He loves me."

Severus didn't say anything. He looked around at the other people on the streets of Hogsmede and obviously realized it was not the place for this conversation.

"I'm glad you're happy." He said finally.

"I only wish you were." Lily said softly, meaning it with everything in her.

She had once loved Severus very much and though she hadn't been able to save him from himself she hoped that someone would. She hated seeing him the way he was now. He was so damaged, she just hoped that someone could fix him. She just knew that she wasn't that person.

"I don't think I'm meant to be happy." Severus commented. "I have a tendency to ruin things whenever I have a chance at happiness."

Lily knew he was referring to what had happened between them.

"You made your choice." She said coldly, suddenly wondering how wise it was to be standing on the street talking to a man she knew was a Death Eater. Though, she would take that secret to her grave. She would not betray Severus the way he had betrayed her. She had loved him too much for that.

"Sometimes things are beyond your control." He told her quietly. "I did what I had to."

"You had a choice." She whispered angrily. "You had me."

"I told you once a long time ago you couldn't save me." He reminded her. "No matter how hard you try."

"And you were right." She said. "I learnt that lesson the hard way, you can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

She just hated the fact that Severus appeared to be doomed. She knew that deep down he was a good man, despite the damage and the darkness.

They stood there for a moment in silence, finally Lily shook her head.

"I have to go." She said finally. "James is waiting for me."

Severus didn't say anything and Lily turned to go.

"Lily, wait." He called out.

She turned back. "Congratulations on your baby." He said finally. "You'll be a great mom."

Lily smiled. "Thank you, I sure hope so."

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Severus asked her.

"A boy." Lily answered. "Though, James wants a girl and he teases about continuing my families pension for flower names with something like Daffodil or Orchid."

Severus rolled his eyes. "That sounds like Potter."

"Yeah." Lily agreed. "I really should go."

Severus nodded. "Goodbye, Lily."

"Goodbye Severus." Lily whispered, hating the finality of those words. It was truly over.

With one last look at the man who had been her first love, Lily turned away and left Severus standing under the bright blue sky of summer, watching her until she disappearing into the Three Broomsticks.

Once she was out of sight, he turned away, his dark eyes full of angst and regret over what he had seen. Over what could have been his, if only he had acted differently.


	15. 1970 to 1980: Stages: Lily

Stages  
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This is another one about Lily, my favorite of the five girls. Originally, this was supposed to be Lily and Severus' relationship in less than 250 words, but that didn't work. Still, I find interesting.

Pairings- James/Lily, Snape/Lily

Rating- PG-13

Summery- Their relationship progressed in many stages.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

_Fascination_

You can't tear your eyes from him.

This is a strange new world, filled with strange people, but of everyone present, it's this one greasy-haired boy with a sullen face that peaks your interest the most.

Perhaps, because instinctively you understand he's forbidden. You might be new to this magic thing, but you understand that.  
_

* * *

_

_Obsession_

Four years later and he still fascinates you.

You don't know why. It's not like the two of you have ever had a meaningful conversation. Or b any /b conversation for that matter. After all, he's a Slytherin and you're a Gryffindor.

Yet, there's something about him that gets to you.

It's weird. After all, the most sought after boy in school hangs on your every word, but it's Severus Snape you lay awake at nights thinking about._

* * *

Lust_

You've never been great with temptation and it was only a matter of time before you gave in.

So, you stop fighting it and give in.

Even though, you know that it's wrong.

That thought never leaves you, even in the dark as lips meet and hands explore. Even as you're crying his name out in passion and experiencing things you never imagined possible, you understand it's wrong.

_

* * *

Love_

To your surprise, he says the words first. He whispers them in the height of passion. Afterwards, you look into his eyes and you see the truth reflected in them.

He loves you.

You whisper the words back, knowing their truth. You do love him.

This isn't a child's love, it isn't the way you love James, but it is real. It is dark and deep and most likely doomed.

You understand that, even as Severus wraps his hands in your long red hair and pulls you towards him one more time.

* * *

_  
Betrayal_

It ends badly.

You knew it would.

It ends with tears and ugly words and the hateful truth of what that mark on his arm means. His eyes are cold and you can't believe that you ever stared into them and saw a future.

You're no fool. You always knew it would end like this. It's only what you deserve after all.

The betrayer has been betrayed.

_

* * *

Closure_

You let go.

It takes time, but you learn to heal.

You watch Severus sometimes from across the Great Hall and know that the wounds will never go away, but it's better than it was.

You meet him one last time, on your final night at Hogwarts, and afterwards you feel okay for the first time in a year.

You said goodbye and you meant it.

* * *

_Acceptance_

He still gets to you.

Even now with James' ring on your finger and his child growing in your belly, Severus still has some affect on you.

One meeting in Hogsmede was enough to tell you that.

You figure he'll always hold a dark fascination for you, but you're old enough to resist.

You've even got to the point where you can look back on the memories and separate from the good for the bad.

There's so much you wish you could change about those days, but in reality you know you'd change nothing. Even knowing how it ends, you wouldn't give up your time with him.

You have many regrets about Severus, but you can never bring yourself to truly regret loving him.


	16. 1970 to 1981: Moments In Her Life: Lily

Moments in Her LIfe   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is a piece of drabble. It's Lily Evans' life in less than 300 words (not counting my notes). It's basically snapshots of moments in her life. Thoughts and feelings. This came to me in the middle of a **very** boring class. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it and please remember that feedback is not only welcome, it's craved!

Pairing- Implied James/Lily, Snape/Lily.

Summery- Moments in the life of Lily Evans-Potter.

Spoilers- Minor ones for all four books.

Rating- PG

* * *

The comfort of her mother's arms. The kindness of her father's voice. Her sister's gentle superiority. 

This was her life.

She was a child, young and innocent. She was safe and loved.

_Secure._

* * *

The stern tones of her teachers. The emotional distance between her and her sister. The kind blue eyes of the headmaster. The ringing of her friends' laughter. The cruel mocking of the Slytherins. 

This was her life now.

Her new world.

She was unsure, but at the same time she was eager to learn.

_Challenged_.

* * *

The hatred in her sister's eyes. The serious tone of the headmaster's voice. The unspoken fear in the air. Her boyfriend's loving smile. Her lover's demanding touch. 

This was her life.

She was confused, torn between what was right and what her heart desired.

_Overwhelmed_.

* * *

The absence of her parents' warmth much too early in her life. The coldness of Severus' eyes where there was once a secret warmth for her alone. The security of James' arms in a world where nothing was certain anymore. 

The feelings of loss, betrayal, and guilt.

This was her life.

She was an adult.

Never again would she be a child.

_Lost_.

* * *

The weight of her wedding band against her finger. The love in her husband's eyes. The feel of her unborn child pressing against her womb. 

This was where her life had taken her.

She had found what she was looking for, she was happy.

_Content_.

* * *

The determination to protect her son. The moment of awareness. The bright green light. 

This was the end of her life.

She was young.

She had made difficult choices. She had loved deeply. She had suffered great loss.

And now she was gone.

* * *


	17. 1989: When Did It All Go Wrong?: Elaine

When Did It All Go Wrong?   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is a story focusing on an extremely minor character in the books who I made my own. Seamus' witch mother who was never given a first or maiden name in the books. As you might know from some of my other stories that I named her Elaine Wyse-Finnigan and made her Lily's best friend at Hogwarts. She shows up in "Memories of the Heart" and will make cameo appearances in "This Life" and ""A Whole Other World". She also appears in my short stories, "Seeing Into the Past", and "Tears of Remembrance" amongst others. This story focuses' on her thoughts about Sirius during his imprisonment in Azkaban. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Paring- Sirius/Elaine, Elaine/Other

Rating- PG-13

Summery- It was hard for her not to focus on the past and wonder when everything had gone wrong.

Spoilers- All four books, but especially "Prisoner of Azkaban".

* * *

It was hard on Elaine to live her life pretending that what happened in the past no longer mattered. 

She was married to a Muggle raising three children, only two of whom showed any sign of inheriting her abilities.

She never get in touch with her old friends, not there was many left now, and she tried not to spend too much time worrying about the poor little boy growing up in Surrey who would never know his parents. She also tried not to think about those that were dead.

But most of all, she tried to think about the one who wasn't. About the one who betrayed them. Even now, she found it so hard to believe that Sirius had done such an unspeakable thing. That he had betrayed Lily and James to their death and murdered poor, helpless Peter.

It didn't make sense. Somewhere deep inside, she still refused to believe it. She had known Sirius better than that. They had been friends before her world fell apart and they had even been lovers in their youth.

She smiled, thinking about those days.

In their fifth year, they had paired up because it made sense. Everyone else had paired up, so they did the same. There had always been genuine affection between them, though no grand passion. Still, she had so many memories of good times spent with him. He had always made her laugh. He made everyone laugh.

So what had changed? When had fun-loving, mischievous Sirius become a traitor?

It still didn't make any sense to her. If you had asked her prior to that horrible Halloween, she would have sworn that Sirius would die before he betrayed James. She had been positive that the friendship between the two men was even stronger than that between her and Lily and she knew without a doubt that she would have died for her best friend had it come to that.

Deep down, she wondered if Sirius had really been the traitor. But if not him, then who?

She didn't know and she didn't like to dwell on it for all it did was depress her. After all, it was probable that Sirius had betrayed Lily and James and that she had never really known him at all.

The thought saddened her.

They had been so close, she could tell him anything. After Lily, Elaine had considered Sirius her closest friend. They had had so many good times over the years. The Sirius of her youth would always be ingrained in her memory and it was impossible to compare him with the man he was today.

She hated the fact that the knowledge she now possessed tainted the memories of her youth. She wanted them to stay the way they were. She was convinced that Sirius couldn't have turned until that last year.

She was positive that she would have known, would have seen it coming.

After all, up until she met Daniel in the winter of 1979, Sirius had been her lover. They weren't in love, but they did care about one another deeply and neither of them was interested in anyone else, so it served them both to be together.They had always agreed that as soon as one of them fell in love, the other would let them go without a fight.

And that's how it happened. When she met Daniel and fell in love with him, Sirius had been the first to know. He had smiled and cupped her face in his hands. "It's all right, Lanie." He had assured her. "In fact, it's wonderful. We always knew that it would end between us sooner or later and I couldn't be happier for you."

No, she refused to believe that he was already working for the Dark Lord then. Not her Sirius. Not the man whom she used to snuggle up with on the couch, eating pizza on Saturday nights back when she and Lily shared apartment together in the year before James and Lily tied the knot.

Those had been the days. The best of her life. After that, everything had gone wrong. But she tried not to think about that. In fact, she tried not to think about any of it.

Still sometimes, she couldn't help it. However, there was nothing she could do. She couldn't change the past. All she could do was try and pretend that she was no affected by those days.

After all, what could would it do to let the world know all the time she spent pouring over her memories of a man named Sirius Black and wondering when it had all gone wrong.


	18. 1992: Photographs and Memories: Elaine

Photographs and Memories   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. I don't own the song either, sorry. However, I am not making any money off of this story, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This one is about Elaine, my favorite of the four characters I envisioned. I didn't actually create her, since she's my version of Seamus' mother (one of the reasons this series is now AU). Elaine's the one that I identify with the most, so I write the most about her, other than Lily, of course. This is set near the end of "Philosopher's Stone". I thought about how Hagrid mentioned writing to Lily and James' friends for photos for Harry and this was born. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairings- Brief Lily/James, Sirius/Elaine.

Rating- PG-13

Summery- The photos had the ability to hurt, because they were proof of a life that no longer existed.

Spoilers- None, really.

* * *

Elaine Finnigan stood in her kitchen early one morning and petted the owl that had come bearing mail. 

She smiled and opened the mail, wondering who it was from, as she didn't recognize the owl. Besides, most people just flooed her if they wanted to talk to her.

She opened the letter and looked at the unfamiliar scrawl.

_Dear Elaine. _

_I'm not sure you remember me, but it's Hagrid, the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. Remember, Lily used to bring you girls down to my hut for tea? _

_Lily's the reason I'm writin' now. Her son, Harry, he's at Hogwarts, as you probably know. He's in the same house as your boy, Seamus. He seems like a fine lad, by the way. _

_So's Harry. He's a great boy, Lily an' James would be so proud of him. That's why I'm writin'. Harry's had a hard year, as you might have heard from Seamus, saved the day, he did. _

_I thought he deserved some sort of reward, so I'm makin' up an album full of pictures of Lily and James, I thought you might have some since you and Lily were such good friends. _

_If you do, could you please send them to me? _

_Thanks,   
Hagrid_

Elaine put down the letter and smiled.

Hagrid.

She remembered him fondly. Lily had been especially fond of him, Elaine remembered wistfully.

Lily.

Not a day went by that Elaine didn't think of her, though she tried not to sometimes, of the red-haired girl with sparkling green eyes who had become the best friend she ever had.

It was hard to believe that over ten years had passed without Lily in them. Ten years in which a baby had grown into a boy old enough to go to Hogwarts.

Harry.

Elaine thought of him often as well, Lily's precious son. The child she had given her life for. The last time Elaine had seen him had been at Lily and James' funeral, even then it was only a fleeting glance. Lily's sister had brought him and Elaine had never been able to get along with Petunia. In fact, the two despised one another.

Elaine had been furious at the idea of little Harry going to live with that woman and had argued fiercely with Dumbledore, but it had been to no avail. He wouldn't change his mind. He honestly thought that Harry was safer away from the wizarding world, even with that woman, and perhaps he was right.

Still, that didn't stop Elaine from worrying about him.

Lily's son. He was all that was left of them. Just like she was the only one left of her group of friends and Remus the last of the marauders.

Remus, it had been so long since she had talked to him. He was part of another life. A life as gone as the people who had been in it.

Elaine left the kitchen and went to her study and took some photo albums out of her desk drawer. She rarely looked at these any more. Too many sad memories. She sat down at her desk and began flipping through the pictures, biting back tears at the familiar faces.

Quiet, even-tempered Erin.

Free-spirited, irrepressible Vinny.

Smart, compassionate Lily.

Sweet, gentle Alice.

Her dearest friends.

They were all gone now. Three of them murdered before their time and the fourth trapped in her own mind with no way out. It wasn't fair the hands they had been dealt, just like it wasn't fair that she had to live so much of her life without her best friends.

Still, she knew the worst blows were not felt by her.

She thought of Remus who had loved Erin so and who had never recovered from losing her. Of Vinny's brother who bore the guilt and loss of his sister's tragic murder. Of Alice's little boy, growing up with the knowledge of his parents' fate. And of course, she thought of Harry, of Lily's son, who'd had to grow up without her.

More pictures, more memories.

She looked at a snapshot of four boys, best friends as she and the others were.

Smart, popular James.

Cocky, daring Sirius.

Kind, rational Remus.

Sweet, cheerful Peter.

She remembered them all well.

But they too, were a part of another life. Two were dead, one had become a traitor and was lost to them all, and the last was still alive and well, but oh, so alone.

They were all in the same house, all the same year. That year's Gryffindors were quite a group. The nine of them. Five girls as close as sisters, four boys who were brothers in everything but blood. They had all grown up together through seven years of Hogwarts and it was probably inevitable that they had paired off.

Elaine came to those photographs.

James and Lily. God, they had been quite the couple. Both smart, charming, well-liked, full of life and ideas. Together they could have ruled the world. Instead they had died much too young protecting their child. They had been so in love, it was obvious to see from the photos.

Remus and Erin. Both quiet, sensible, smart, hardworking. They had been so well-matched and so happy. If only she had never died, but she had and Remus had been left alone. Poor Remus, life had not been kind to him.

Peter and Vinny. That was one she had never understood. Peter was sweet, but he'd never had much backbone, while Vinny was so vivacious and strong-willed. Maybe that was why they hadn't lasted, though for a time they had been happy. Now, they were both dead.

Alice and Frank. There had only be four marauders and five girls, so Alice had paired off with Frank Longbottom, who had been a year ahead of them. They had been a happy couple. Sweet, gentle Alice and smart, capable Frank. They had had so much promise, two of the best Aurors the Ministry had ever seen. But they had paid such a price for it. Too high a price.

Elaine froze at the picture of the last couple.

Her and Sirius. She had loved him, but in that silly, thoughtless way you love at sixteen. It had not been meant to last forever, but there was a part of her that would always love him.

Even now. Even after what he had done, a part of her still loved the Sirius she had known back in her youth. The Sirius that no longer existed, if he ever had. Maybe, he had pretending even then, already set to betray them all... No, she couldn't believe that. Wouldn't believe that. Whatever had made Sirius turn on them, it hadn't happened yet. Not then.

She stared at the picture for a long time and then flipped the page.

So many memories. She looked through the rest of the photos, the memories of a time long gone. Pausing only a few times.

The picture of the five of them together the day they graduated from Hogwarts. It would be the last time they'd all be together, for Erin died only a couple of months later.

Elaine looked at the picture, at the five girls laughing up at her, making funny faces for the camera.

Taking a deep breath, she flipped the page again.

The only other time she paused was at the pictures of Lily and James wedding. They had been so happy then, but their happiness had been fleeting, She took in the rest of the pictures, though there were too few, for time was running out for her friends. Then, when she was came to the end, she closed her eyes.

After all these years, the memories still had the ability to hurt so much. The memories of the life that used to be.

She let the memories soak in for a long moment. Then, she took a deep breath. She had gotten the albums out for a reason after all.

After a long moment, she turned back to the first page and began extracting pictures. It didn't take very long and soon she had a small pile in front of her.

She put the books back where they belonged in the desk drawer, hidden way as a memento of a life that no longer existed.

Then, she got up and took out a piece of parchment and quickly began to write.

_Dear Hagrid, _

_Of course, I remember you. _

_I'm glad to hear that you've taken Harry under your wing, Lily would have appreciated that. I think it's wonderful that you're making him a photo album, since he deserves pictures of his parents. _

_I managed to dig up quite a few and I hope they're of help to you. _

_Sincerely,   
Elaine_

She quickly bundled the pictures in a parcel, along with the note to Hagrid, and gave them to the owl, which had been waiting for some sort of response.

As the owl flew away, Elaine stood there, still overwhelmed by the memories she had revisited.

It always hurt so much to think back to those days, though this time it had been worth it. Because while those photos, and the memories contained, had the ability to hurt her, they would give Lily's son a precious link to his past.

She knew that Lily's child would need that, need to see his mother and father's faces and she was glad she could help in some small way. Even if it had meant facing memories she thought better locked away in the past.

* * *

_A.N- Just in case people are curious: Vinny is Peter's girlfriend, Sirius dated Elaine, and Remus was with Erin. Vinny is a Weasley, Erin is Arabella Figg's daughter, Alice is Neville's mother and Elaine is Seamus' mother._


	19. 1994: Seeing Into the Past: Elaine

Seeing Into the Past   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This one is about Elaine, my favorite of the four characters I envisioned. I didn't actually create her, since she's my version of Seamus' mother (one of the reasons this series is now AU). Elaine's the one that I identify with the most, so I write the most about her, other than Lily, of course. Well, that's all, enjoy!

Pairing- Minor James/Lily.

Summery- Seeing him brought back memories of beloved friends, now long lost.

Spoilers- All four books, I guess, mainly Goblet of Fire, though.

Rating- PG

* * *

Oh, Lily, I saw him today. Your precious little boy. 

It was all I could do not to take him into my arms and hold him to me. Not to cling to him for a moment. Instead, I carried on a casual conversation that lasted only a moment. I pretended that he was nothing other than my son's school friend.

I've spent the last three years subtly pressing Seamus for information about him. I want to know, but at the same time, I've spent a long time running from those years.

I married a Muggle and I have a happy life with him and our beautiful son. I was the lucky one.

Do you have any idea how much that knowledge haunts me? The knowledge that I am alive and happy, while the rest of you suffered such terrible fates?

Of the five of us, three are dead and one will spend the rest of her life trapped in her own mind.

I think of you all often.

But I think of you the most.

My best friend. You were the one whom we all revolved around. The force that brought us together. And in the thirteen years since you died, I've never stopped missing you.

Do you remember when our boys were babies?

Times were so dark, yet we had moments of joy. I remember us bringing the boys together to play. Neither of them remembers, of course.

Remembers that they knew each other as babies. And I'm okay with that. I don't really want to think about those days.

The days before I go the owl that told me you and James were dead.

Did you know that I asked Dumbledore if I could take Harry in? I thought that was what you would want. But he said that he believed he would be better off with your sister.

I fought him on that one, all of us left who loved you and James did. I knew what your sister was like and the thought of your beautiful baby boy with her... But Dumbledore wouldn't change his mind. He honestly believed it was the best thing for Harry.

So, all I could do was spend ten years wondering how he was faring.

And then, when it came time to send Seamus to Hogwarts, my anticipation built, knowing that your Harry would be starting that year as well. Same with Alice's Neville.

I worry about him too, poor chap. I mean, he has to live with what happened to Frank and Alice. It tears me apart to think about. I can only imagine how that poor boy feels.

But, I still think about your son more. At least, Neville isn't in the spotlight. At least his pain isn't a public thing.

Your Harry is the world's hero. Not an easy place for a fourteen year-old boy to be.

Still, from what Seamus has told me and from what I saw, I know that you'd be so proud of him.

He's the spitting image of James. Well, almost. His eyes are yours.

And looking at them, even for just a minute, brought back so many memories of how yours used to sparkle.

A lot of memories came to the forefront in that one moment. Memories of how simple life was back then. It never was again, was it? We grew up and the world became harsh and cruel.

And I survived.

I lived and prospered, but I never forgot.

How could I forget?

You four were more than my friends. You were my sisters. It was the five of us against the world and I'll never, ever have that again.

I'll never see Alice's warm smile, never hear Vinny's ringing laugh, never watch your green eyes light up with joy, nor will I ever hear Erin's gentle voice.

Those things haunt me.

Little pieces of the people dearest to me.

And when I saw your son, it was like a knife through the heart. Because the eyes that I've missed so much, were right there.

This was the first time I've seen your son since he was a baby, but I've loved him all the years, because he was yours. And seeing him, seeing how much he was like you and James, just made me love him more.

There's nothing I can really do except watch from the distance, though. It's not my place to interfere, though I wish I could. But, know that I think about him every day and that if he ever needs anything, I'll do my best to help him. I just can't let him know.

I can't let anyone know that one moment with the world's hero broke my heart.

Because, seeing that little boy reminded me of all that was gone. I looked at him, and I didn't see the Boy Who Lived. I just saw my best friend's beloved baby, a little boy forced to grow up without his parents.

I saw him and I thought of you.

* * *


	20. 2001: Now I'll Let You Go: Elaine

Now I'll Let You Go   
By Misha

Disclaimer- Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and is not mine, however much I might wish differently. However, I am not making any money off of this, so please do not sue me!

Author's Notes- This is part of my "Friends and Memories" series, which is an AU (as of OotP) series focusing on the friends of Lily Evans. This features my version of Seamus' mother, Elaine. This story is set twenty years after that fateful Halloween night and focuses on Elaine really letting go. Well, that's all for now, enjoy!

Rating- PG

Summery- Twenty years after the tragedy at Godric's Hollow, a woman says goodbyes to the friends who were lost during Voldemort's first reign of terror.

Spoilers- All four books.

* * *

Halloween 2001. Twenty years had passed since that night. The night that Lord Voldemort was vanquished for the first time. He had risen again since then and had once more been defeated, this time forever. 

But it was the first vanquish that weighed on Elaine Wyse-Finnigan's mind twenty years later. The vanquish that had come to late and at too high a price for her.

She walked softly into the graveyard. How impossible to think that it had really been twenty years since that night. But it had been. She had lived the last twenty years with something vital missing from her life. Her four best friends. They were all victims of the Dark Lord, of those terrible days so long ago now.

She crept quietly into the cemetery and made her way to her first destination. She had decided to spend this day mourning those who were gone and she would do it in the order they had been taking from her.

She knelt beside the grave that read:

_Erin Lucretia Figg   
1959-1977   
Beloved daughter and friend_

"Oh, Erin." She whispered, tears in her eyes.

Like every time she came here, she was struck by how close together those dates were. Eighteen years, that was all the time that Erin had had on this Earth and it wasn't fair.

Elaine closed her eyes and pictured her friend in her mind.

The picture came easily. A laughing girl of eighteen with blonde hair and gentle blue eyes. So young and beautiful. So full of life.

Elaine felt so old as she thought of her fallen friend. In her mind, Erin would forever be the woman-child she had been so long ago, while Elaine had aged with the test of time. She was not the girl she had been back then and it saddened her to realize how much she had changed since Erin had been lost to them.

"I think of you often." She said softly. "You were the first of us to fall and it was the never the same after that. We were always aware that you were gone. It's been twenty-four years and I still don't think it's sunk in. I still miss you. I still wish things could be the way they were back at Hogwarts."

Elaine paused, wondering what her husband and children would say if they could see her now. But they wouldn't. She had fought for years to keep this part of herself separate from them. They had no part in this. They weren't there in those days. Those wonderful, far away days at Hogwarts when everything had been so simple.

Elaine looked at the stone in front of her with deep regret in her eyes.

"Goodbye Erin." She said softly. "I should have said this a long time ago, but I could never bring myself too. Goodbye old friend, I hope someday we will meet again."

With that she turned and walked away. She crossed the cemetery and walked until she reached another grave. Or rather two graves side by side. Though she had only really known one of the victims, she mourned them both.

She looked at the words on one with sad eyes.

_Virginia Jane Weasley Everett   
1959-1979   
Beloved daughter, sister, wife, and friend._

The first thing that popped into Erin's mind were the title that was missing.

Mother.

What she wouldhave been had the Death Eaters hadn't interfered. Instead, her unborn daughter shared her grave.

"This can't be real." She whispered, sinking to her knees. "Sometimes, I still want to believe that I'll wake up and it'll all be a nightmare."

But that would never happen. It was real.

"Dear sweet Vinny." She said softly. "I think of you often. Of what might have been, of what **should** have been. You should have had it all, it was what you deserved."

Beautiful Virginia full of life and spirit.

"For so long it hurt **so** much, it still does. But it got a little bit easier when we got a piece of you back." Elaine said quietly. "Your namesake, Arthur and Molly's Ginny, she's so like you. She's marrying my boy, Seamus, and that fills me with joy. She doesn't know of you, it's too hard for any of us to speak your name, but she's like you just the same. It's as if a little bit of your spirit came back to us through her."

Elaine shook her head. "It's silly, I know. But that's how I feel." She stood up. "Goodbye, Vinny." She said after a long moment. "I have to let you go. I know that. You'll always be in my heart, dear friend."

Elaine quickly turned and left before she burst into tears.

She apparated out of the cemetery. She had been going to go in order, but had changed her mind at the last moment.

No, this was better. Save the most difficult for last.

She landed on the steps of St. Mungos and within a few minutes she was inside. She looked down at the woman who's bed she was standing next to.

"Oh, Alice." She whispered.

Alice was still alive, if you could call this living. She had spent the last twenty years trapped in her own mind, the sweet girl that Elaine had known so long ago, lost forever. Elaine rarely visited Alice, because it was so damned hard to see her this way and remember how she used to be. Infinitely harder than visiting stones in the cemetery.

"I only wish that you could be free." She whispered to her lost friend.

She knew there was no use in wishing that Alice would come back to them, so instead she chose to wish that her friend would find peace.

Elaine only stayed a minute with Alice, she couldn't bear any longer. And when she left St. Mungos, she apparated to her final destination. Another cemetery, this one located in Wales.

This visit hurt the most, even more than seeing broken Alice.

She walked quietly to another double grave. She read one with sad eyes and then turned to the other. She just stared at it, the words soaking into her mind.

_Lillith Zara Evans Potter   
1959-1981   
Beloved mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend.   
"She died so that others might live"_

Elaine read the last words with bitterness.

Why had she had to die? Why had it been her life that had to be given so that the darkness might end? She had been asking herself that for twenty years and had not yet found the answer. She would never understand why it had to Lily and James. Never would she understand that.

"Hey, Lil." She whispered, tracing her hand over the engraving on the stone. "I miss you. It's been twenty years today and it still aches. I guess you never recover from losing your best friend."

As much as she had loved Erin, Vinny, and Alice, losing them had not ached as much as losing Lily. She had loved them all, but at the same time, she had loved Lily best. Her beloved Lily, the best friend she had ever had or ever would have.

Because she knew that no matter how much time passed, she would never have another friend like Lily.

Sometimes, when she closed her eyes, she could see her as clear as day. Beautiful Lily with a mane of red hair and shining green eyes. Lily who had died twenty years ago this night. It still didn't seem right, that Lily had gone before her.

They had been friends since they were eleven year-old. They had been best friends through seven years of Hogwarts and the days that came after. They stood up for one another at their weddings. They even had sons the same year. They were supposed to grow old together, always best friends. But fate had obviously had had other plans.

"I think of you every day." She said softly. "Sometimes, something honey will happen and I'll think, I can't wait to tell Lily about this, then I'll remember all over again that you're gone."

She paused, trying to collect her thoughts.

"But in some ways, a piece of you lives on." She said softly. "Your Harry is a great boy. Kind, generous, thoughtful, and very noble. Everything you'd want him to be. He's married and has a daughter, they named her Lilly, for you. My Seamus says that he's happy, they're friends you know, just like we always thought they would be."

Elaine was quiet for a moment, remembering the days when she and Lily had watched their baby sons playing together.

"I know you'd be so proud of him, Lily." Elaine said finally. "I know I am. And he looks just like James, except his eyes... Those are all you."

The first time Elaine had set eyes on Harry Potter, that knowledge had disturbed. It was off-putting to see Lily's eyes again, once more shining brightly, but in someone else's face.

"It isn't enough, though." She whispered. "I know that a part of you lives on in him, but it's not enough. It doesn't give me back my best friend. Nothing will. I know that now."

Elaine took a deep breath, the next words would be hard.

"Goodbye Lily." She said finally. "I never truly let you go and I have to. It's been twenty years and I have to finally accept that you're gone. I want you to know that you'll always be my best friend and that I'll miss you, but the time has come. I'm finally ready to let you go. So Goodbye, Lil, I hope you're at peace."

She opened her purse and took out one perfect lily, that she had charmed not to get crumpled, and placed it on the grave.

She stood there for a long time, thinking about all that was gone.

Never again would she be the woman she had been twenty years earlier. But maybe, she was finally willing to accept that and let go of those days and of that woman. Life changed, you had to accept that. You had to take the good and the bad.

Finally, she sighed and turned away. It had taken twenty years, but at last, she was ready to let them go.

* * *


End file.
